Solo Poly. Guidelines for myself: The thing that makes solamente polyamory work with me

Solo Poly. Guidelines for myself: The thing that makes solamente polyamory work with me

Clear communication. We choose never to get extremely emotionally spent or perhaps deeply associated with individuals who can’t or won’t communicate demonstrably, truthfully and forthrightly about their requirements, desires, boundaries, emotions, intercourse, and intimate wellness. Or who can’t find means to concentrate freely in my opinion once I want to communicate these specific things. I need clear answers — and I will keep asking until I get that clarity when I ask important questions.

We don’t do lukewarm or ambivalent

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We just remain intimately, romantically, or emotionally enthusiastic about enthusiasts whom behave with me or otherwise connect with me like they are attracted to me, appreciate me, and enjoy my company enough to put forth some effort to spend time. And whom don’t look like dramatically conflicted or ambivalent about their participation beside me. This is applicable for casual and periodic connections in addition to much much much deeper relationships that are ongoing. We don’t need (or desire) nonstop intense attention; but an excessive amount of ambivalence, diffidence or passivity turn me off time that is big. And also this relates to circumstances where a lover that is potential appear to sound a viewpoint, make plans, or come to a decision without constantly checking with another person first for authorization; ambivalence rooted in too little autonomy turns me personally down as much as ambivalence rooted in deficiencies in interest or effort.

Safer intercourse. We completely enjoy safer intercourse, with condoms as well as other methods as appropriate. Unbarriered sex that is penetrative“fluid bonding“) will not significantly increase my real pleasure or psychological satisfaction, nor does it denote such a thing unique about my relationships. I’ve discovered my relationships are easier, safer much less drama-prone when I’m in line with all lovers about safer intercourse. Talking about intimate likes, desires, and wellness is a vital (and enjoyable!) element of that procedure. Additionally, once I don’t feel I need to surveil or micromanage my partners’ (and their partners’) intercourse life, that will help all of us relax – and so have better intercourse. Consequently i choose to use condoms for vaginal and rectal intercourse (the actions that could express the best danger in my opinion), and I also talk to lovers to gauge other risks/circumstances and adjust as required.

In rare circumstances i might prefer to have unbarriered sex periodically or regularly with a certain partner — but as long as we’ve been utilizing condoms for some time, and I’m satisfied that their STI status/testing, behavior, and character warrant this level of trust. And in addition whenever we agree in advance that going back to utilizing condoms wouldn’t be seen as downgrading our psychological closeness or connection that is sexual. Lovers who need no condoms so that you can close feel emotionally in my experience, or even enjoy intercourse at all, aren’t intimately appropriate for me personally.

Preserve autonomy

My autonomy is key to me personally. I attempt to just simply just just take lovers and metamours under consideration, and I also have always been frequently affected I will not change myself solely to suit them by them, but. Nor can I enable other people the ability to accept, constrain or veto my choices, including those involving my relationships along with other individuals. I am going to maybe maybe maybe not immediately follow anyone problems that are else’s preferences, biases, priorities, worries, or grudges. Nor am I going to cave directly into shame trips, acting away, manipulation, or any other comparable force aimed at changing or managing me personally.

Integrity and duty. We don’t assist people cheat, and We don’t be involved in don’t-ask-don’t tell plans. If I’m someone that is dating includes a main partner (or current significant non-primary lovers), I’d often want to ensure with those current lovers that their relationship is definitely honestly start before things have more included than a couple of times. (i favor to access know my metamours, anyhow.) Also, we will maybe maybe not lie up to a metamour to be able to protect somebody.

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